O_O can u say depression?

this is a poem i wrote veeerrryyyy slooowwwlly over the course of a year. i was very depressed and dark at the time, which is obvious from this extremly long poem. i scribbled down a line every time i was depressed...T-T ((kudos if u read this all))

The room empty; the walls bare
And like your heart, lacking care.
The loneliness is overwhelming.
Leaving is a thought that’s compelling.

Scratches and scars tainting my soul.
Cruel as you are, yours like coal.
Hatred crusades the air.
All because you put it there.

My hurt continues multiplying.
All my pain is satisfying
To your evil aura; I’m surrounded.
Your mind is so convoluted.

Day by day I’m dying.
It’s just the same as a crucifying.
From my heart the nails protrude.
Sanity is lost; the image crude.

All thoughts swallowed by the mist.
Blood splattered everywhere, by still no assist.
In my back, a poniard.
But you laugh, your heart stone hard.

The sun sets, the moon rises.
Shadows of the night conceal surprises.
Pleasant are some, but most not.
You leave me here to slowly rot.

Body and mind overcome by mortal agony.
Clueless why God has forsaken me.
My entire being is spinning out of control.
My heart being sucked in by your black hole.

Little to live for, but much to die.
When I’m gone will anyone cry?
Sadly, not knowing is a constant thing
Does it cause or prevent suffering?

Forward and back; forward and back.
Rocking; knowing my leash will never get slack.
Repeatedly saying it’s just a dream.
Knowing that the truth would lead to an endless scream.

Tears spill over, causing blindness.
Wings clipped; I am flightless.
You thrive on seeing how I’ll survive.
With all the hurt in me, I am barely alive.

Like a pattern, my spirit rises then dampens.
A lit fire doused by water, it happens.
Cursing my forever hurting heart,
To which you have taken part.

No where to run; no where to hide.
Cornered, my heart pounding inside.
Falling, of which I’m on the brink.
Mortifying terror leaves little room to think.

A choice I’m forced to make.
Rule one of life: give and take.
By these four walls, I am caged.
Any attempted escape will leave you enraged.

One simple mistake and all will be lost,
Because punishment is given at a very high cost.
You wear your evilness garishly,
Treating all others harshly.

So cold-hearted, I believe you’re the devil.
Every second near you, I fight to keep my head level.
Moments of pure happiness are meager.
To destroy even those, you are eager.

Mortal lives are eternally short.
Before you know it, you’re in God’s court.
All at once, you see those you’ve hurt,
Knees falling to the dirt.

Sword against sword we clatter.
Win, lose; myself the latter.
Reality revealing much disarray.
All is noticed, to my dismay.

Forever you shall be the stranger.
I have always known you as a danger.
Has this been my fate the moment I was born?
Your hands close around my heart and it is raggedly torn.

Our fates are linked by a mere thread.
My worst fear--you; our encounter I’ve dread.
Slowly, you tug on my string.
Abruptly my life means nothing.

I’m distant from what has once been the start.
Now my two lives are drifting apart.
Eventually, my death will be at your hand.
Hopefully those I’ve known will understand.

In my prison, I sit alone.
Always dreaming of going home.
Deeper and deeper you dig the knife.
Relishing my struggle for my life.

To you, my life permanently has a connection.
I dearly wish I could’ve gone a different direction.
I hope no one else catches your attention.
For living like this is far from perfection.

The darkness that swallows me is bleak.
Death is near and I am weak.
Chills travel through my spine.
On this mountain, I’ve lost my will to climb.

I never knew I could be so easily deceived.
When you say you’ll kill me, I’m almost relieved.
Until I consider how it will be done.
To the very ideas, I felt the need to shun.

It seems I uphold a strong curse.
I wonder if it could become even worse.
But such thoughts are preposterous.
For I’m afraid they could lead to things disastrous.

Love, hate, and me in between.
I do not wish to break the seam.
But into the darkness my hopes are thrown.
Because everything is poorly sewn.

I beg for even the smallest hint.
Or simply light, I’ll settle for a glint.
But I am thrown from wall to wall.
Possessed by the fear of a tragic fall.

Every hour I am sent spiraling into despair.
Trying to solve the puzzle why I ever care?
Why do I even endeavor?
For here, the time of love is never.

Do you feel it? Do you sense it?
I know you do; I hear your teeth grit.
Slowly, slowly I fade.
Due to this living hell you made.

Am I all here? How much has gone?
Is this endless torment finally done?
If so, then where is God?
No. Wait. I’m not where angels trod.

You’ve done so much shredding.
You’re mind must have my heart’s bedding.
For I continuously lie here shivering.
Love, hope, sanity; forever shriveling.

I could force this all to go away.
Simply by making this my final day.
Easier said, which is unfortunate.
I’ve tried, but alas, I am your subordinate.

If this happens to be a dream,
To part with my lips and echo a scream,
I would never dare.
For reality is my nightmare.

I’m completely consumed by fear.
Always dreading your horrid leer.
I know no other feeling then pain.
And I am no longer sane.

Endless torture; enough said.
In my veins, poison has spread.
At first, the pain leaves me reeling.
After time, I have no feeling.

White, black; it’s the same.
Cold and wet; caused by rain.
Rough, gentle; gives me pain.
YOU ARE TO BLAME!