Honestl, How CAN you!?
Female Tourettes Syndrome
Posted 02-05-2009 at 10:19 PM by CptKelly
I’ve mentioned Female Tourettes Syndrome in the past, and because it is one of the biggest reasons why men are better than women, I thought I would commemorate this Labor Day by expanding on the topic.
Labor Day is a very manly holiday, after all. Labor Day is why Father’s Day is bullshit. You don’t celebrate two Halloweens or two New Year’s. When compared to a day honoring labor, Father’s Day is redundant.
If there was a day dedicated to buying three times as much crap at a 50% off sale, or spilling fancy candle wax all over the carpet, then we wouldn’t need Mother’s Day.
Female Tourettes Syndrome is a woman’s inability to keep her mouth shut. It manifests largely in three ways.
Endless ****ing Questions
If there’s a stupid question about any topic, then a woman will imagine it and ask it with the confidence of Sherlock Holmes.
“I’m going to the store,” you might say. “Why?” asks a woman, stupidly. This is due to her Female Tourettes Syndrome.
FTS prevents a woman from being quiet and thinking about something before she starts flapping her scone-hole about it. Men are great philosophers, diplomats, and authors, because we can sit back and think about what’s going on before speaking. We can answer all the stupid questions on our own. Women make lousy all of the above’s for the same reason they make lousy lovers while you’re staying at your parents’ house during Christmas: they can’t keep their ****ing mouths shut.
I’m going to the store to buy something. Why the **** else has anyone ever gone to the store? To look around?
Endless ****ing Speaking
Women are like those tightly-coiled spring door stops with the little rubber bit on the end. You give them one little prod and they erupt with obnoxious sounds like a broken fan belt. Those things are fun as hell until you’re 12. Female Tourettes Syndrome.
The secret to getting laid is to rev up the talking part of a woman’s brain like it’s a bicycle flipped upside down. The speech and sex sectors of a she-brain are right next to each other. It doesn’t take anything more than timing to get them spinning like tops. Female Tourettes Syndrome.
Men speak in well-timed spikes of brilliance. That’s the heartbeat of commerce. Women speak like lawn darts: huge arcs that no one gives a **** about unless it’s coming down on your head. Female Tourettes Syndrome.
Endless ****ing Complaining
No matter how good a woman has it, you’d never be able to tell by the way she talks. Women hate happiness. That’s why they don’t like taking their tops off at football games and why they like puppies so much. Puppies piss all over everything. That does not equal happiness.
Even if a woman married a millionaire and had ten kids by five different guys, she’s as far from happiness as an innocent man on death row. Despite that she’s living every woman’s dream.
Labor Day is a very manly holiday, after all. Labor Day is why Father’s Day is bullshit. You don’t celebrate two Halloweens or two New Year’s. When compared to a day honoring labor, Father’s Day is redundant.
If there was a day dedicated to buying three times as much crap at a 50% off sale, or spilling fancy candle wax all over the carpet, then we wouldn’t need Mother’s Day.
Female Tourettes Syndrome is a woman’s inability to keep her mouth shut. It manifests largely in three ways.
Endless ****ing Questions
If there’s a stupid question about any topic, then a woman will imagine it and ask it with the confidence of Sherlock Holmes.
“I’m going to the store,” you might say. “Why?” asks a woman, stupidly. This is due to her Female Tourettes Syndrome.
FTS prevents a woman from being quiet and thinking about something before she starts flapping her scone-hole about it. Men are great philosophers, diplomats, and authors, because we can sit back and think about what’s going on before speaking. We can answer all the stupid questions on our own. Women make lousy all of the above’s for the same reason they make lousy lovers while you’re staying at your parents’ house during Christmas: they can’t keep their ****ing mouths shut.
I’m going to the store to buy something. Why the **** else has anyone ever gone to the store? To look around?
Endless ****ing Speaking
Women are like those tightly-coiled spring door stops with the little rubber bit on the end. You give them one little prod and they erupt with obnoxious sounds like a broken fan belt. Those things are fun as hell until you’re 12. Female Tourettes Syndrome.
The secret to getting laid is to rev up the talking part of a woman’s brain like it’s a bicycle flipped upside down. The speech and sex sectors of a she-brain are right next to each other. It doesn’t take anything more than timing to get them spinning like tops. Female Tourettes Syndrome.
Men speak in well-timed spikes of brilliance. That’s the heartbeat of commerce. Women speak like lawn darts: huge arcs that no one gives a **** about unless it’s coming down on your head. Female Tourettes Syndrome.
Endless ****ing Complaining
No matter how good a woman has it, you’d never be able to tell by the way she talks. Women hate happiness. That’s why they don’t like taking their tops off at football games and why they like puppies so much. Puppies piss all over everything. That does not equal happiness.
Even if a woman married a millionaire and had ten kids by five different guys, she’s as far from happiness as an innocent man on death row. Despite that she’s living every woman’s dream.
Total Comments 18
Comments
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dude enough with these stupid threads.Posted 02-05-2009 at 10:24 PM by DarkUmagon
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Fine fine
Posted 02-05-2009 at 10:24 PM by CptKelly -
O.O omg,cpt
do you really hate women that much?Posted 02-05-2009 at 10:25 PM by memica -
"Women are like those tightly-coiled spring door stops with the little rubber bit on the end. You give them one little prod and they erupt with obnoxious sounds like a broken fan belt"
I just can't stop laughing with this one
Posted 02-05-2009 at 10:26 PM by erazeN -
Ha, I dont celebrate Labor Day or Father's Day, I take his crap all year, I dont owe him nuthin'
and if your wondering if I read past the first paragraph...maybe
Posted 02-05-2009 at 10:29 PM by superkid68 - lol, i don't deal with father day, mine left me so f-ck him.
As for mothers day. Normally its just a teddy bear and cash. With a card saying "Go buy w/e the f-ck you want, Here's 150 dollars."
And yes i read it all and seriouly agree!!! Also dark these are BLOGS not THREADS.Posted 02-05-2009 at 10:39 PM by ultimentman2 - lol threads blogs same thing. Its just I don't think Tourettes Syndrome is something to joke about.Posted 02-05-2009 at 10:44 PM by DarkUmagon
- Sorry darkPosted 02-05-2009 at 10:45 PM by CptKelly
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thank you karma!
Posted 02-05-2009 at 11:04 PM by White - Karma had nothing to do with it lol. Thank you Dick MastersonPosted 02-05-2009 at 11:16 PM by CptKelly
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No wonder he's single
Posted 02-05-2009 at 11:44 PM by Sakechick -
lol i looked at his site hes a total asshole but its funnyPosted 02-05-2009 at 11:50 PM by joeboi112 -
ehm, kinda true
well I knew this girl for two weeks, and she talks too much and ends up asking me too many questions (mostly that would make you go wtf)Posted 02-06-2009 at 07:40 AM by fdein -
QUOTE:
"Women make lousy all of the above’s for the same reason they make lousy lovers"QUOTE
so... in other words your telling us to be gay.... hmm.... that might be a sollutin to your sexist attitude, but not for everyone.....
sorry...by just reading your blog i am not surprized you have that kind of problems with the opposite sex...
although if we set appart the physical differences, there is a mental one too. But that doesn't change the fact that we are all humans, and like humans are there are mandane types, boring types, exiting types, bad types, good typs, typs with personality, typs without personality...ect. Every human is unique therefore you can't put them on a shelf.
p.s.
i dont know if this is a joke blog or not... i will apologize about my response up there if it is.
p.p.s.
I still found it funnyPosted 02-06-2009 at 11:06 AM by Pandemonium phaze
Updated 02-06-2009 at 11:10 AM by Pandemonium phaze -
What type of woman are you describing ... your mom? I don't know anyone like that.
Now go be gay
Posted 02-24-2009 at 01:25 AM by Luminos -
wow sexist if you hate women that much...take a dick up your assPosted 03-02-2009 at 09:17 PM by baller05 -
i dunno if this is a joke or whatever... how can you be so un-smart to write something like this?? this is like screaming "i'm the meanest friggin guy on earth" with a megaphone or writing it on your forehead... go kill urself or sth!Posted 03-18-2009 at 01:29 AM by susa_24 - ahh, yes i can understand why this is irritating her...
cpt, really? this is the stupidest thing i've ever heard (assuming you're serious about this). What is the benefit from comparing men and women?Posted 03-18-2009 at 01:59 AM by Runne666
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