4eva
The Operating Theatre
So about a year ago I discovered a little known, unrewarded job. I’m still doing it, though I’ve transferred to a new hospital and to mark the occasion thought I’d share what I’ve learnt based on first hand experience:
1. The heart is not pretty like Valentine’s Day would have you believe. Up close it’s disgusting and slimy.
2. Surgery isn’t a big deal.
3. You wake up after surgery in so much pain because the surgeon has no respect for your limbs once you’re unconscious.
4. Most people don’t die. If however, you choose to chop at your wife with a sword and then do yourself in Samurai style; you probably will.
5. Childbirth is not a miracle. It’s an annoyance that stops me going home on time. Everyone will appreciate it if you keep pushing and don’t resort to a Caesar cause you’re tired. If it’s necessary then go nuts.
6. Men don’t like if you chop off their manhood without telling them.
7. Helicopter = Panic.
8. Helicopter fumes = ummm.
9. Get into work early or you’ll end up in XXL scrubs and spend all day pulling up your trousers.
10. Nurses are gods. Surgeons are glorified butchers in comparison.
11. Surgeons don’t like being called glorified butchers.
12. Ethylene Oxide poisoning isn’t as cool as it sounds.
13. There’s a big difference between Iris and Mayo scissors.
14. When chopping off lumps of flesh, Iris scissors are ineffective.
15. Iodine should not be thrown at a wall, no matter how angry you are.
16. You can become immune to the smell of blood.
17. Dispatch is a bit like a shopping list… for drug addicts.
18. Don’t drop little bits of plastic; they’re generally worth more than you earn in a year.
19. If it doesn’t fit… push harder.
20. If a student nurse sends you a skin-graft knife with the blade still hidden inside, causing you to cut open your palm, take it with a smile.
Should you ever go into theatre here’s some advice:
1.Don’t eat before you go down. Everyone will hate you for it.
2.No one cares if you’re nervous. Theatre staff are the most un-empathetic people alive.
3. Don't do it because you got drunk and crashed your car. There's no better way to piss off the staff.
1. The heart is not pretty like Valentine’s Day would have you believe. Up close it’s disgusting and slimy.
2. Surgery isn’t a big deal.
3. You wake up after surgery in so much pain because the surgeon has no respect for your limbs once you’re unconscious.
4. Most people don’t die. If however, you choose to chop at your wife with a sword and then do yourself in Samurai style; you probably will.
5. Childbirth is not a miracle. It’s an annoyance that stops me going home on time. Everyone will appreciate it if you keep pushing and don’t resort to a Caesar cause you’re tired. If it’s necessary then go nuts.
6. Men don’t like if you chop off their manhood without telling them.
7. Helicopter = Panic.
8. Helicopter fumes = ummm.
9. Get into work early or you’ll end up in XXL scrubs and spend all day pulling up your trousers.
10. Nurses are gods. Surgeons are glorified butchers in comparison.
11. Surgeons don’t like being called glorified butchers.
12. Ethylene Oxide poisoning isn’t as cool as it sounds.
13. There’s a big difference between Iris and Mayo scissors.
14. When chopping off lumps of flesh, Iris scissors are ineffective.
15. Iodine should not be thrown at a wall, no matter how angry you are.
16. You can become immune to the smell of blood.
17. Dispatch is a bit like a shopping list… for drug addicts.
18. Don’t drop little bits of plastic; they’re generally worth more than you earn in a year.
19. If it doesn’t fit… push harder.
20. If a student nurse sends you a skin-graft knife with the blade still hidden inside, causing you to cut open your palm, take it with a smile.
Should you ever go into theatre here’s some advice:
1.Don’t eat before you go down. Everyone will hate you for it.
2.No one cares if you’re nervous. Theatre staff are the most un-empathetic people alive.
3. Don't do it because you got drunk and crashed your car. There's no better way to piss off the staff.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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11. Surgeons don’t like being called glorified butchers.
rofl
Posted 05-22-2009 at 04:18 PM by Irongiulio
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3. You wake up after surgery in so much pain because the surgeon has no respect for your limbs once you’re unconscious.
After my eye surgery they pumped me with so much morphine... and I didn't feel any better D':Posted 05-22-2009 at 04:59 PM by violist -
Eyes aren't so bad. The first op I seen was a knee and they were throwing it all the over the place and drilling through it, hacking bits off. Very nice.Posted 05-22-2009 at 09:56 PM by Freya
Updated 05-22-2009 at 09:59 PM by Freya
