My dad passed away today at 9:34 am.
And I just...

I don't know what to do.

It feels like my heart has died with him.

To give up hope now, would be giving up on my dad entirely...

I just...I don't get my mom right now, she keeps talking about losing my dad..
My dad's still in the ICU and he's still in critical condition.

He hasn't woken up yet but I know he will.

But my mom...the way shes talking is just disheartening....
She keeps crying and talking about loss.. ARGH!
IT makes me want to just punch her...and cry at the same time....

I can't comprehend to you,
just how much I care.

How much I want to hold you close,
but I don't know if you want me too...

It's like my body is on fire- every skin cell is hot, and my head and heart starts pounding
simultaneously
as if they both beat as one
naturally.

Why are you on my mind?!

Sigh...
Even shouting doesn't ease my soul.
Even slamming things down don't take away the perverse...

Well, my dad's family has come over so they can be here for my dad's surgery and
I don't know. Maybe I've changed or they've changed but things just seem to be different this time around.
I don't hate them AS much. Well, not hate- dislike

There's past problems, past hurts that have happened between my family and my dad's side so memories still hurt but...

I can't dislike my grandma for her past mistakes because she's just old. I cant...

I stopped counting...

...