Sigh...
Posted 10-09-2009 at 11:54 AM by SephirothX
I don't know what to do anymore, its kind of sad.
Let me start out by saying something I'm sure a LOT of people do anyways. I already miss the feeling and way I thought 3 years ago when I was in middle school(of course for others the time may vary.)
Ever since about sixth grade, I've been a little down about things, but I've picked myself up, but when I got into high school, things really got bad, after years of trying to pick myself up, I started to fall even further in myself, losing hope of everything, and at the beginning of sophomore year, I lost everything, I fell to the bottom. I felt like there was nothing for me... Yes I was sort of emo xD. I don't like the fact either.
After eight months of grounding(and not being on AC xD), I finally cracked so far, that I realized that I was ok. I slowly started to pick myself up, achieving goal after goal.
Today, I have achieved almost all of those goals, and I'm very happy with them....
But I have also achieved the very thing I never wanted to become, even from an early age. I have achieved my goals, but now I don't know what to do, I don't feel, as stated above, that nothing is left... But I don't know what to do, I'm lost in a different way this time... It's not really all that bad of a feeling, but I want to feel how I used to feel, and not continue this.
As I KNOW, this is how people who become like my parents(which I do not want to be anything like, they're bad role models imo). Middle aged, unhappy, hating your job, your life, without friends... etc... just because they didn't try enough when they were younger.
I just feel... Blank... Like a slate, or a book without words
(if you can't tell by now, I get rid of anger and depression, and other things via writing. It's not always that I want responses, though I'm accepting ^_^.)
Let me start out by saying something I'm sure a LOT of people do anyways. I already miss the feeling and way I thought 3 years ago when I was in middle school(of course for others the time may vary.)
Ever since about sixth grade, I've been a little down about things, but I've picked myself up, but when I got into high school, things really got bad, after years of trying to pick myself up, I started to fall even further in myself, losing hope of everything, and at the beginning of sophomore year, I lost everything, I fell to the bottom. I felt like there was nothing for me... Yes I was sort of emo xD. I don't like the fact either.
After eight months of grounding(and not being on AC xD), I finally cracked so far, that I realized that I was ok. I slowly started to pick myself up, achieving goal after goal.
Today, I have achieved almost all of those goals, and I'm very happy with them....
But I have also achieved the very thing I never wanted to become, even from an early age. I have achieved my goals, but now I don't know what to do, I don't feel, as stated above, that nothing is left... But I don't know what to do, I'm lost in a different way this time... It's not really all that bad of a feeling, but I want to feel how I used to feel, and not continue this.
As I KNOW, this is how people who become like my parents(which I do not want to be anything like, they're bad role models imo). Middle aged, unhappy, hating your job, your life, without friends... etc... just because they didn't try enough when they were younger.
I just feel... Blank... Like a slate, or a book without words
(if you can't tell by now, I get rid of anger and depression, and other things via writing. It's not always that I want responses, though I'm accepting ^_^.)
Total Comments 4
Comments
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I went through the exact same thing in middle school/highschool. Just think about the things that have always intrigued you the most, whatever you enjoy the most and pursue without stopping or hesitating an education in that field. If you do what you love you'll find success.
I still have trouble finding motivation, but its just part of growing up. Learning to discipline yourself and look beyond what you can grasp in the present.Posted 10-09-2009 at 03:09 PM by andrew.wa
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oh, hun... a blank page is the very best kind! =) (yup, I'm gonna pollyanna on you!)... the book without words means you get to make up the story yourself. After (insert number here...cuz I'm not gonna say!) years of being what everyone else wanted me to be, I've discovered that I am not happy with what everyone else wants. (I think they call it a mid-life crisis... I prefer mid-life adventure). I am also looking at a blank page. *smiles* And I'm filling it with things I'm passionate about...
yes, I still have to wash the dishes, and do the laundry, but in between, I get to discover new talents, and learn new things. *hands you a box of crayons* there are no lines that you are required to stay within... no one to tell you the sun HAS to be yellow... create your own masterpiece and never let anyone tell you it's wrong.Posted 10-09-2009 at 03:48 PM by kimmm6 -
I think we all go through something like this.
Writing or typing is a good way of telling someone how you feel. It's good you told us this, or else you'd feel so gloomy. I hope you cheer up, and you know you can find a friend in all of us here.
Even though we have no clue who each other is, you can always tell your thoughts.
We're here for ya, friend.
Posted 10-09-2009 at 08:35 PM by ignorantDelilah -
Meh, but that all comes back to something that is unachievable in my position and I'll probably always be like this...
I don't want a normal household... at the moment, I shun these things in my mind. It is way against the way I have always thought, and I'm trying to change the way I think to a more "fair" or "technical" way of thing... Via Taoism...
But at the moment I dispise a lot of things, the way things are and the way people have become, I'm not accepting of it at all... And that's why I can't just accept the future, at least not yet...
Going to college, spending 1/2 my life to pay back a debt I didn't need, spending years of my life to receive a piece of paper that tells me I can do one thing for the rest of my life.... Yes perhaps I can come back and do it again, another few years wasted, and OH! hey, I get to do a SECOND THING NOW!!!?
... Then, perhaps, I will be living in a household where I have planned kids, working a daily job, coming home for dinner maybe some TV and/or friends, some activities, centering my life around material possessions and the economy/government, watching war develop and idiot fight everyday, and then I die, an unfulfilled life, on my death bed, a very sad man, pretending I'm happy and want to go, so that my family isn't sad.
Things just get worse and worse everyday, and I know there's nothing I can do to change it.
I want to be a monk lol, but I know in my position that's almost an unachievable goal...Posted 10-10-2009 at 03:40 AM by SephirothX
Updated 10-10-2009 at 03:44 AM by SephirothX
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