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Another Year, Another Chapter:

SephirothX — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 16:21:38 GMT

It's been slightly over a year since I've wrote in my blog here on AC; seems I'm overdue for another.

When the world spits in your face at everything you do, what do you do? When nobody is real or reasonable anymore, who do you turn to? When you lose everything, or never had anything to begin with, where do you go? These are some realities I've had to face lately. Life's been a ***** to me, and I've been trying my hardest, but I just keep getting knocked down, and I don't know what to do.

From the family, I've found that my mother set me up via texts and messages to gather evidence against my dad in the divorce case. She set me up to ruin my credit, making me think I had to co-sign to get an apartment. She left for another family after basically pointing out I was a worthless piece of shit to her. My grandparents are all slowly dying and have been in the hospital a lot lately. My sister, the one family member I was close to, has moved even further away with her new boyfriend, and I've found even her to have turned her back on me by lying and not keeping important secrets from others. My dad is no longer the man he used to be, he simply works and lives, trying to get through what my mom did to him.

I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 6 months. I really loved her, and had planned on her being the one... but she lost her mind and I dumped her... and then she falsified a pregnancy, set up tons of occasions with friends to torment me, making me think she'd been beaten half to death, and another when her body was rejecting the baby. All while she was sitting on her bed texting me, pretending to be someone else. She was or is now dating our friend, a girl, when we had a huge fight about me being bi and her thinking it was weird. This has ****ed with my head and heart more than anything, I don't know how someone could be as insane as she turned out, or how I could love a person like that.

All of my friends are gone, they've moved away. Those who remain have no lives, and I'm slowly falling into their category. Smoking pot all day, it's the only thing that keeps me relaxed. The situations I've been in, they aren't something I can deal with, in one of them, there's even legal boundaries involved, so I can't take action like I normally would...

These people have played with my mind and purposefully crushed it just to further their lives, and I had no clue, not until this past month or so... and it's broken me. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know of anything other than my own life that I have to grasp onto for meaning and reason. The only way I can go lower is if we lose the house or I get kicked out. I don't have a car, and I don't have a job, nor any official job experience. I don't know what to do with myself, I don't even want to finish school. There's no more meaning or reason in this world; how can people be like this? And so many of them all at once... I've never had anything like this happen, and then all at once they hit me.

It's been affecting me throughout college, I currently have another exam, a paper, and a bunch of homework to catch up on before tuesday... and that's pushing it, but I just can't find a reason to do it, I probably won't be going back next quarter/semester.

I've never been the type to be this down on life, even if I share depressing moments to blow off some steam, I usually get right back up with a smile on my face and move on... but this time it's different, I can't figure out what to do with myself, and I'm just a lost heap of blah right now.

What to do?

SephirothX — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 23:05:42 GMT

Haven't blogged in almost a year or so. O_o

I'm not really depressed as I write this, just seem kind of lifeless. I have lots of friends, but none that I'm close to. I'm 18 with no job and only my temps, and just sort of flying through my last year of high school. I'm grounded only because my parents have threatened to kick me out for things less than this... so I'd rather not just walk out and do whatever, but on top of that my social life beyond school is fading lol, though I don't really think I need it. I gave up playing guitar because I am too lazy I guess, I wanted to pick it back up, but I don't like this guitar I currently have and nobody will give me a fair price/my dad would be pissed if I got rid of it... though it's my guitar, so does it really matter?

I just feel like I should have something to hold onto, I have no goals or dreams, I could do w/e I want, and I guess that's fine, but it seems kind of pointless just to do whatever forever.

Maybe some tips would help or something -shrugs-

:hehe::cool:

What the hell is happening to music?!?!?!:

SephirothX — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 14:44:13 GMT

What happened to rock? =' (...
I'll try to present some good from both current music and old stuff

Looks/Visuals:
New Rock:

Nickelback - Gotta Be Somebody:

Spoiler

Amberlin - The Feel Good Drag:

Spoiler

RJA - You Better Pray:

Spoiler

The Devil Wears Prada - Danger:Wildman:

Spoiler

Here's one band that's newer that I do like =):

Spoiler

--------------------------------

Old Rock:

Music/Videos:

Old Rock:

Suicidal Tendencies - Pop Songs:

Spoiler

Metallica - Orion(live):

Spoiler

Blink 1820 - Dammit:

Spoiler

Nirvana - Lithium:

Spoiler

Pantera - Cowboys From Hell:

Spoiler

Most of the past 5-10 years' music has been crap.

If you like it better than the old stuff, you should go see your physician... or you're 14 or younger >.>

Options for The Underground Mafia:

SephirothX — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 20:47:17 GMT

The Underground Mafia is a group I created about a week or so ago, and a lot of people joined the first day, but then it got really boring and only about 3 people kept playing...

Instead of having it be a gaming/competition based group as I had originally planned, many are asking me to switch it to a sparring group.

What does anyone think? A Sparring/rp group based around the mafia.

Yes or no? And if no, what would you rather see it as?

The other two options I have are deleting it, or handing it over to someone else. If anyone would like the group to do w/e you choose with, just tell me here.

I have an idea...

SephirothX — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 17:59:44 GMT

Edit: You know what I was going to blog this, but now I think I'm just going to leave an empty blog, write down in note pad, and paste once I'm completely finished with everything I was going to say... For if I don't, I feel somebody else will do it first.

I so ****ing destroyed cleverbot!

SephirothX — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 16:16:18 GMT

I beat cleverbot! >: )

Quote:

Cleverbot: Hi.

User: So how old are you?

Cleverbot: 168 months old.

User: How is that possible? Are you sure?

Cleverbot: I surely am human. Are you?

User: Yes, but are you really 168 months old?

Cleverbot: Yes ar, I am 47.

User: Erm..... You've got your math all wrong lol.

Cleverbot: Oh sorry.

User: If you are 168 months of age, that means you are 14 years old. Also meaning your creation date took place in January of 1996. You are not that old.

Cleverbot: You're david?

User: What the hell? No I am Tyler, and that is way off topic.

Cleverbot: Do you think I'm fighting?

User: What are you talking about? No, I don't think you're fighting? You are confusing me however.

Cleverbot: Let start from the beginning...

User: Tu parles francais?

Cleverbot: Oui, je parle Fran�ais et je t'ai pos� une question !

User: Tu parles anglais?

Cleverbot: Yes but I only speak very well the spanish can you speak spanish?

User: I do not know the spanish language.

Cleverbot: What do you need to do if you want to hurt people's feeling?

User: You need to insult them in a way that you know will bother them. You have to know something about the person.

Cleverbot: How does that answer my question at all?

User: Read it again please, as it did answer your question.

Cleverbot: That does not compute. My logic censors are fried. I can no longer function.

It can't reply back to anything I say now haha...

I'm cracking up... someone on the chat thread was trying to do this all morning, and I succeeded in 5 minutes.

My Theory of Bleach[spoilers]

SephirothX — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 07:27:30 GMT

I'm super tired and knew I'd forget by morning, so I typed a blog instead of searching for the discussion thread.

I was talking to a friend about bleach as he's never seen it before... and as I was looking at pictures a connection came to mind :O

1.) We know absolutely nothing of how Ichigo's dad is relevant to shinigami yet... (could tie in later but unimportant atm)
2.) Aizen wanted to create the perfect being between shinigami and hollow or w/e... Failed with the vizards, and obviously doesn't care about the arrancar at all.
3.)
-Hollow of all sorts look like strange creatures
-Arrancar look like people with partial bone masks
-Vizards look like people with masks
-When Ichigo died, he should have changed into a hollow... but he didn't turn into anything that we've seen before... He had his shinigami powers in bankai still, a hollow chest-hole thing, and a complete hollow head, not just a mask fragment or mask...
4.) Everyone thought Ichigo would be the ultimate tool to defeat aizen, as he hasn't seen his shikai yet.... But what if Ichigo is Aizen's greatest tool? The creation he'd been trying to make for a long time now.

This could explain the missing background on where people like Urahara, Ichigo's dad, and Yuroichi come in. I don't honestly know, but if my theory is correct, it was all planned out by Aizen or Urahara from the very beginning... The moment Rukia met Ichigo in the first episode.

Urahara placed the Sogyoku or w/e in Rukia, the unexplained powers with Ichigo's friends, perhaps he did something to Ichigo as well... That created an ultimate being. idk

Anyways going to bed now ^_^.

This morning! O_O

SephirothX — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 11:54:11 GMT

Ok, so I woke up, feeling like any other day on which I go to school, but then I looked at the clock, I woke up an hour late compared to what I usually do. Though I am 100% sure I set my alarm clock last night.

So I thought maybe we had a closing/delay because of the weather, but no... nothing...

I also found my playstation 3 turned on... I was quite unsure of why, as it wasn't on when I went to sleep, and even if it were, it's supposed to turn itself off after 1 hour of no use...

Then I found a had a sock in my face... I have absolutely no clue why. I didn't wake up this morning. I have no friggin clue what happened, did I sleep walk or something?

It's starting to creep me out. :O Especially why the hell I had 1 sock in my face.

I think I died... :O

I have lucid dreams all the time, and I have had ones where I could control them completely(those were the best, I created my own world, and learned to fly), but I've also had a lucid dream with an out of body experience....

This was different though... I don't remember anything from the dream, other than I dreamed I was dead last night, and I woke up to all of this happening, so it was even creepier, I ran out of time and had to post this this morning...

My Favorite Afro Samurai(game) Quote:

SephirothX — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 01:17:52 GMT

"I understand, you could lay low for a few days with a beautiful woman, but instead you're going to go cause a shit storm; Throw a stick at a bee's nest... Makes perfect sense." - Samuel L. Jackson

Lol, I love this game, but that quote made me laugh more than the others for some reason.

SCREW TWILIGHT!!!!! >: O

SephirothX — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 01:45:33 GMT

THIS IS RIDICULOUS!!!

I think its about time to bring in Hitler again... We have the technology to put his main focus on the media and twilight-freaks instead of ... erm... what happened before lol.

I think I'm going to watch this just to see how ****ing stupid his life is so I can flame him some more. xD

I haven't made a blog entry lately:

SephirothX — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 03:16:11 GMT

Hello everyone who's reading this.

Hi... I have nothing to talk about.

Oh I guess I could say I'm going to fully come back after this weekend?

Erm....

What's up? *bored as hell*

Sigh...

SephirothX — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 10:54:37 GMT

I don't know what to do anymore, its kind of sad.

Let me start out by saying something I'm sure a LOT of people do anyways. I already miss the feeling and way I thought 3 years ago when I was in middle school(of course for others the time may vary.)

Ever since about sixth grade, I've been a little down about things, but I've picked myself up, but when I got into high school, things really got bad, after years of trying to pick myself up, I started to fall even further in myself, losing hope of everything, and at the beginning of sophomore year, I lost everything, I fell to the bottom. I felt like there was nothing for me... Yes I was sort of emo xD. I don't like the fact either.

After eight months of grounding(and not being on AC xD), I finally cracked so far, that I realized that I was ok. I slowly started to pick myself up, achieving goal after goal.

Today, I have achieved almost all of those goals, and I'm very happy with them....

But I have also achieved the very thing I never wanted to become, even from an early age. I have achieved my goals, but now I don't know what to do, I don't feel, as stated above, that nothing is left... But I don't know what to do, I'm lost in a different way this time... It's not really all that bad of a feeling, but I want to feel how I used to feel, and not continue this.

As I KNOW, this is how people who become like my parents(which I do not want to be anything like, they're bad role models imo). Middle aged, unhappy, hating your job, your life, without friends... etc... just because they didn't try enough when they were younger.

I just feel... Blank... Like a slate, or a book without words

(if you can't tell by now, I get rid of anger and depression, and other things via writing. It's not always that I want responses, though I'm accepting ^_^.)

I'm going to be gone again :'(

SephirothX — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 19:46:04 GMT

Jesus, school's a *****, I thought I'd like it because I get to see friends again, but this year absolutely is a dread, I never get a break from my work( can't wait for the holidays ).

I have about 50 billion make up assignments due anywhere from last wednesday to this wednesday... for the asshole who won't accept my paper even though I was sick >.> *wants to murder him, or at least take him to administration, and to court if need be*

So yea... I will be absent for a while yet again...

See you all soon, and I hope that when I get back perhaps I can so those of you who I haven't seen at all lately (aki and desi lol).

See ya all around.

Kingdom Hearts 358/2 (No Spoilers)

SephirothX — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 20:01:55 GMT

So I got this game 2-3 days before it was released in the US via a flashcart. Just want to say anyone who is a kingdom hearts or Final Fantasy fantasy (and owns a DS) should get this game one way or another.

If you (for some odd reason) have no clue what this game is about, it tells the story of Roxas before Kingdom Hearts 2, during his time with the Organization and shows you a complete different side of things.

H1N1 Swine Flu!

SephirothX — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:54:06 GMT

So I have it, I'm not dead, and I didn't even know it was flu(forgot what flu was like as it's been a few years), but I thought it was just a bad cold.

So unless people have a serious health condition it's not as big of a deal as anyone has made it.

But hell I'll have a lot of homework when I go back to school.