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I almost poked a b*itch today
My last visit to the Optometrist I ended up with a new prescription because, well, growing old sucks balls. Not that I minded much. I mean, this was the perfect excuse to go and get new eye wear for indoor and outdoor usage. Holla!
So after going to a few different well known establishments with no luck unless I wanted to sport my own pair of "Chester glasses", or something that my grandmother would wear, I went to my old stomping grounds. I was really trying to avoid that place since you can't walk out of there with anything without getting totally ass raped. However, they do have some really cute stuff, so I brought my KY along for the ass tapping that I was about to happily receive.
Bingo! Found both pair in under 20 minutes.
It would have been a much quicker shopping experience if the woman with a fake British accent hadn't been following me around trying to get me to try on some Harry Potterish looking glasses. I had to stop and look in the mirror to see if I had "TOOL" written on my forehead, because that's the only person that would wear those. Seriously, anyone sporting that look might as well go by the name of Massengill, because you couldn't possibly be more of a douche. No offense if any of you readers just so happen to like Oliver Peoples eye wear, but Jesus! Come on! Harry Potter you ain't, okay?
Anyway, I kindly told Madonna to call me when both pair were ready, since I'm not fond of making two trips when I could get them both at the same time. Yes, I sound 92. Don't hate. She said that she would put a note in my file to call me when they were BOTH ready.
Just in case you are wondering, and I know you are, my sunglasses are a goldish aviator style and are pretty bad ass! I got them solely to walk around saying "YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!" just like Cartman did in Southpark. With the one exception being that my sunglasses are way cooler than his.
Anyway, I got a message today from another pretentious woman with a fake valley girl accent saying that my eye wear was in, and ready for pickup at my earliest convenience. Sweet! I could see myself rockin' my new shades (who really gives a crap about the other pair) while I yelled at Brent and the kids to respect my AUTHORITAH! It was going to be awesome!
So I reluctantly went to pick them up. I say reluctantly because it's hotter than f*ck outside here in Texas and not only is it hot, but it has been humid too. Those two things and me? Don't mix well. I kind of turn into a bigger b*tch than I already am. So to keep b*tch Asami at bay, I tend to lower the AC down to 68 when I can get away with it, and stay naked indoors. Okay, so I'm really wearing winter clothes, but still. I'm cold and happy. Then my sister turns all Al Gore on me and complains about the AC bill, but I can tune just about anybody out when I feel like it. Especially when I'm almost comatose due to hypothermia.
Anyway, I practically deep fried my ass out in the heat to go and get what I thought were both pair of glasses. True to form, people continue to prove to me that they are complete idiots that can't even follow simple instructions by letting me know when my whole order is complete. Turns out my Cartman shades aren't ready and won't be for another few days. I politely told the lady a few things that probably indicated that I wasn't necessarily happy with her lack of ability to read a goddamn note, and I left knowing that I would have to brave the heat on yet another day.
Like usual, instead of directing my anger at the person in which it should have been directed at, I release my anger towards my dear twin sister in the form of text messaging. By the way, have I ever told you fine folks how much I adore text messaging? It's perfect for people like myself who really dislike talking on the phone. Anyway, read on.
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Me- "That stupid ****ing BEEP! (rhymes with runt, stunt, shunt, blunt, and Helen Hunt. You figure it out) My sunglasses aren't even ready. She said she would call when they were BOTH done. Why are people so motherf*cking stupid?"
Megumi- trying not to add fuel to my fire "You're halfway there I guess. So when do you get your sunglasses?"
Me- My fire still burns bright "3 or 4 more days. That's not the g*ddamned point. I don't feel like coming all the way back here a fu*kingain!"
Megumi- "Uh, it's only 15 minutes away. I understand you are annoyed, but it's not the end of the world. Ume (my other sister) says: Relax."
Me- "No. Ume says: Stab a b*tch in the eye with those new f**king Prada's!"
Megumi- "Ume suggests Valium. Stat!"
Me- Ume. Go f*ck yourself."
Oh well, at least I got one pair to play with.
So after going to a few different well known establishments with no luck unless I wanted to sport my own pair of "Chester glasses", or something that my grandmother would wear, I went to my old stomping grounds. I was really trying to avoid that place since you can't walk out of there with anything without getting totally ass raped. However, they do have some really cute stuff, so I brought my KY along for the ass tapping that I was about to happily receive.
Bingo! Found both pair in under 20 minutes.
It would have been a much quicker shopping experience if the woman with a fake British accent hadn't been following me around trying to get me to try on some Harry Potterish looking glasses. I had to stop and look in the mirror to see if I had "TOOL" written on my forehead, because that's the only person that would wear those. Seriously, anyone sporting that look might as well go by the name of Massengill, because you couldn't possibly be more of a douche. No offense if any of you readers just so happen to like Oliver Peoples eye wear, but Jesus! Come on! Harry Potter you ain't, okay?
Anyway, I kindly told Madonna to call me when both pair were ready, since I'm not fond of making two trips when I could get them both at the same time. Yes, I sound 92. Don't hate. She said that she would put a note in my file to call me when they were BOTH ready.
Just in case you are wondering, and I know you are, my sunglasses are a goldish aviator style and are pretty bad ass! I got them solely to walk around saying "YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!" just like Cartman did in Southpark. With the one exception being that my sunglasses are way cooler than his.
Anyway, I got a message today from another pretentious woman with a fake valley girl accent saying that my eye wear was in, and ready for pickup at my earliest convenience. Sweet! I could see myself rockin' my new shades (who really gives a crap about the other pair) while I yelled at Brent and the kids to respect my AUTHORITAH! It was going to be awesome!
So I reluctantly went to pick them up. I say reluctantly because it's hotter than f*ck outside here in Texas and not only is it hot, but it has been humid too. Those two things and me? Don't mix well. I kind of turn into a bigger b*tch than I already am. So to keep b*tch Asami at bay, I tend to lower the AC down to 68 when I can get away with it, and stay naked indoors. Okay, so I'm really wearing winter clothes, but still. I'm cold and happy. Then my sister turns all Al Gore on me and complains about the AC bill, but I can tune just about anybody out when I feel like it. Especially when I'm almost comatose due to hypothermia.
Anyway, I practically deep fried my ass out in the heat to go and get what I thought were both pair of glasses. True to form, people continue to prove to me that they are complete idiots that can't even follow simple instructions by letting me know when my whole order is complete. Turns out my Cartman shades aren't ready and won't be for another few days. I politely told the lady a few things that probably indicated that I wasn't necessarily happy with her lack of ability to read a goddamn note, and I left knowing that I would have to brave the heat on yet another day.
Like usual, instead of directing my anger at the person in which it should have been directed at, I release my anger towards my dear twin sister in the form of text messaging. By the way, have I ever told you fine folks how much I adore text messaging? It's perfect for people like myself who really dislike talking on the phone. Anyway, read on.
----------------------------------------------
Me- "That stupid ****ing BEEP! (rhymes with runt, stunt, shunt, blunt, and Helen Hunt. You figure it out) My sunglasses aren't even ready. She said she would call when they were BOTH done. Why are people so motherf*cking stupid?"
Megumi- trying not to add fuel to my fire "You're halfway there I guess. So when do you get your sunglasses?"
Me- My fire still burns bright "3 or 4 more days. That's not the g*ddamned point. I don't feel like coming all the way back here a fu*kingain!"
Megumi- "Uh, it's only 15 minutes away. I understand you are annoyed, but it's not the end of the world. Ume (my other sister) says: Relax."
Me- "No. Ume says: Stab a b*tch in the eye with those new f**king Prada's!"
Megumi- "Ume suggests Valium. Stat!"
Me- Ume. Go f*ck yourself."
Oh well, at least I got one pair to play with.
Total Comments 27
Comments
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I almost smack a b*tch all the time. Damn hoes are always beggin for change.Posted 11-05-2009 at 12:48 AM by akatsuki16
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y must you always make your blogs so long >:O, about sunglasses toPosted 11-05-2009 at 12:51 AM by optempo
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Long blogs show that I have some literacy! >:OPosted 11-05-2009 at 12:56 AM by 月に舞う魔人 Tsuki ni
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nice sunglassesPosted 11-05-2009 at 12:56 AM by InTheShadow
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You should live with me. Never a hot day in your life again.
The 'rhyming description' was quite perfect though for somebody pulling a move like that.
And, of course, nice picture. ^^Posted 11-05-2009 at 12:56 AM by Hitsugaya`
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I guess we know what my short blogs mean then.Quote:Originally Posted by 月に舞う魔人 Tsuki ni
Long blogs show that I have some literacy! >:OPosted 11-05-2009 at 12:57 AM by mightguy20
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You're just that awesome that many words aren't needed?Posted 11-05-2009 at 01:12 AM by 月に舞う魔人 Tsuki ni
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Nice save.
Posted 11-05-2009 at 01:28 AM by mightguy20
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Sounds entertaining. I would have called the manager and got her ass reamed right there in front of my eyes.Posted 11-05-2009 at 01:44 AM by Desuka Kira
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Sorry to say but the lady behind the counter would quickly learn to read a god damn little note, if she tried to do that shit with me
She would also learn about 120 new ways to curse someone out, and a few of them being a combo of english and many other languagesPosted 11-05-2009 at 02:05 AM by ultimentman2
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Lol ulti, I prefer to remain civil in public.Posted 11-05-2009 at 02:38 AM by 月に舞う魔人 Tsuki ni
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That gets you nowhere in this world.Quote:Originally Posted by 月に舞う魔人 Tsuki ni
Lol ulti, I prefer to remain civil in public.Posted 11-05-2009 at 02:46 AM by Desuka Kira
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Tsuki: Being male has the advantage that if you begin to curse out a women and someone asks why you can just say "She f-cked up." and they will go away XD
Kira: So, so true =/Posted 11-05-2009 at 02:50 AM by ultimentman2
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I suppose, but it's just not my style to do things that way.Posted 11-05-2009 at 03:01 AM by 月に舞う魔人 Tsuki ni
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>:0 you dont look so happy rotflPosted 11-05-2009 at 04:59 AM by fdein
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Someone with impending 'autoritah!' doesn't look happy. ^^Quote:Originally Posted by fdein
>:0 you dont look so happy rotflPosted 11-05-2009 at 06:50 AM by jumbojer
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I was rather pissed at the time, due to recent circumstances.Posted 11-05-2009 at 07:20 AM by 月に舞う魔人 Tsuki ni
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*thumbs up*
Im proud!Posted 11-05-2009 at 07:36 AM by TheBw
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Teehee I bet after that she did respect my autoritah! >:OPosted 11-05-2009 at 08:01 AM by 月に舞う魔人 Tsuki ni
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Hey, I like long blogs. It's more entertaining.
Anyways, I ran into a similar situation, except they called me and they never had my sunglasses to begin with, and the main reason I wanted them was for my vacation in Texas, which I had to go to the very next day. Turns out I never got them in time, so I had my sister in law phone them up, b!tch them out, and give me 20% off for being complete morons. Then when I went back to pick them up, I complained some more, and left.Posted 11-05-2009 at 08:06 AM by Katiuscaa
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