What If. ~disclaimer~ this blog contains a touchy topic, if your not prepared to rea
Posted 06-18-2009 at 02:43 PM by vesta
I want to talk about a few things and if you don't like the topics then keep you opinion to yourself. And for that, I thank you.
What if....its been a long time since I thought of those words concerning myself. And things would be so different if I lived in a world of what ifs. This is something I try very hard not to do, no what ifs, and no regrets.
What do you think when you hear the words "abuse".
Do you think, a guys hitting a woman, a husband is beating his wife or children, do you think a parent is beating or even sexually abusing their children?
Abuse is many things, its emotional or psychological, physical, economical or financial. I'll give a bit of a definition or examples of each one so there are no confusions.
Physical abuse may include but is not limited to such acts of violence as grabbing, striking, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, hair-pulling, biting, arm-twisting, kicking, punching.
Emotional and psychological abuse includes but is not limited to attacking a person verbally by yelling, name-calling, constant criticism, insults, threats, intimidation, humiliation, and criminally harassing or stalking. As well, isolating the victim from family, friends or regular activities, and using silent treatment.
Sexual abuse is defined as any unwanted or inappropriate sexual contact or activity that forces a person to participate in any unwanted, unsafe or degrading sexual activity that is considered non-consensual, coerced or against a person deemed incapable of giving consent. Perpetrators are most often known and trusted by the victim.
Economic abuse is the denying access to financial resources, withholding money or access to it for food or medicine. Making them beg for money for necessary items like personal hygiene items, children's items, taking money; giving an allowance and requiring justification for all money spent.
These are the true definitions of the forms of abuse. I have just used the main definitions for this blog.
How does one know they are being abused? They may not see it for a long time and it may take another to help then take the “blinders” off. Or it maybe something more visible and readily acceptable, in a way.
How does one seek help should they want it? Or how does ones family offer help when its not talked about?
This is a very touchy and difficult topic at times, and one not to take lightly.
There may come a time in a loved ones life, or in your own, that they or you look in the mirror and say, “I’m not living this way anymore. I’m going to do what’s right for me”
When that time comes then you know what you have to do. No matter how hard it is at the time. You contact the people you need to for help and support, then pack your bags and walk out the door. Never looking back, and most importantly never going back.
You should never feel like your inferior to your partner, like your beneath them, that your not of any value, that all you do for them and your family is worthless.
You should never feel the weight of their hands on you on a non-loving manner, that shoulder check when walking by them. Or see the looks warning you to be quiet.
You should never hear the demeaning words, the curse words, you should never hear the constant criticism, the comments about your body and how it can be better, you should never hear your loved one yell at you for something silly.
In turn, when your in a healthy relationship, one of love and companionship, it can be the most wonderful thing. Having a true partner is when you have your best friend with you and its okay to do things on your own, when things are shared, when you can sit together and both be doing different things and its comfortable.
Love isn’t meant to hurt, its not meant to put one person on another level then the other. It’s a give and a take, an equal exchange of everything, a sharing of each other.
In order for a relationship, any relationship, to be a healthy one the most important thing to remember and have is trust, then good communication. Without those its never going to last.
I just wanted to say those words. I know there is a lot more to relationships, much more then I can type. I also know not all are abusive. Just think of this blog should you ever get yourself in this type of situation.
Be healthy. Be whole. Be happy. Be safe. Be yourself. And above all, love yourself. Because if you don’t love yourself then who will?
Thank you for reading,
Vesta
What if....its been a long time since I thought of those words concerning myself. And things would be so different if I lived in a world of what ifs. This is something I try very hard not to do, no what ifs, and no regrets.
What do you think when you hear the words "abuse".
Do you think, a guys hitting a woman, a husband is beating his wife or children, do you think a parent is beating or even sexually abusing their children?
Abuse is many things, its emotional or psychological, physical, economical or financial. I'll give a bit of a definition or examples of each one so there are no confusions.
Physical abuse may include but is not limited to such acts of violence as grabbing, striking, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, hair-pulling, biting, arm-twisting, kicking, punching.
Emotional and psychological abuse includes but is not limited to attacking a person verbally by yelling, name-calling, constant criticism, insults, threats, intimidation, humiliation, and criminally harassing or stalking. As well, isolating the victim from family, friends or regular activities, and using silent treatment.
Sexual abuse is defined as any unwanted or inappropriate sexual contact or activity that forces a person to participate in any unwanted, unsafe or degrading sexual activity that is considered non-consensual, coerced or against a person deemed incapable of giving consent. Perpetrators are most often known and trusted by the victim.
Economic abuse is the denying access to financial resources, withholding money or access to it for food or medicine. Making them beg for money for necessary items like personal hygiene items, children's items, taking money; giving an allowance and requiring justification for all money spent.
These are the true definitions of the forms of abuse. I have just used the main definitions for this blog.
How does one know they are being abused? They may not see it for a long time and it may take another to help then take the “blinders” off. Or it maybe something more visible and readily acceptable, in a way.
How does one seek help should they want it? Or how does ones family offer help when its not talked about?
This is a very touchy and difficult topic at times, and one not to take lightly.
There may come a time in a loved ones life, or in your own, that they or you look in the mirror and say, “I’m not living this way anymore. I’m going to do what’s right for me”
When that time comes then you know what you have to do. No matter how hard it is at the time. You contact the people you need to for help and support, then pack your bags and walk out the door. Never looking back, and most importantly never going back.
You should never feel like your inferior to your partner, like your beneath them, that your not of any value, that all you do for them and your family is worthless.
You should never feel the weight of their hands on you on a non-loving manner, that shoulder check when walking by them. Or see the looks warning you to be quiet.
You should never hear the demeaning words, the curse words, you should never hear the constant criticism, the comments about your body and how it can be better, you should never hear your loved one yell at you for something silly.
In turn, when your in a healthy relationship, one of love and companionship, it can be the most wonderful thing. Having a true partner is when you have your best friend with you and its okay to do things on your own, when things are shared, when you can sit together and both be doing different things and its comfortable.
Love isn’t meant to hurt, its not meant to put one person on another level then the other. It’s a give and a take, an equal exchange of everything, a sharing of each other.
In order for a relationship, any relationship, to be a healthy one the most important thing to remember and have is trust, then good communication. Without those its never going to last.
I just wanted to say those words. I know there is a lot more to relationships, much more then I can type. I also know not all are abusive. Just think of this blog should you ever get yourself in this type of situation.
Be healthy. Be whole. Be happy. Be safe. Be yourself. And above all, love yourself. Because if you don’t love yourself then who will?
Thank you for reading,
Vesta
Total Comments 14
Comments
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I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for these words. ^^
*gives a standing ovation and kneels before thee*
Posted 06-18-2009 at 03:06 PM by Hitsugaya`
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You don't have to kneel.
And thank you ^_~Posted 06-18-2009 at 03:17 PM by vesta -
very informative.. thank you for sharing it..Posted 06-18-2009 at 03:28 PM by *HanaBi_PatroL* -
*pats Vesta and applauds*
Im proud! : DPosted 06-18-2009 at 03:30 PM by TheBw - Thanks : )Posted 06-18-2009 at 03:32 PM by vesta
- Oh but I do. ^^Quote:Originally Posted by vesta
You don't have to kneel.
And thank you ^_~
It was very nice.
Coming from someone who doesn't usually enjoy blogs.
It even inspired me to perhaps write one of my own..
Posted 06-18-2009 at 03:36 PM by Hitsugaya` -
is the second time when i read what u wrote
very good thanks for sharing vestaPosted 06-18-2009 at 04:52 PM by Dany1908 -
I read a little more than halfway then I just died (too long).
But my opinion is that (since I'm a man) I would never strike a woman, no matter what. That's just low-class behavior. But when it comes to children, I do believe in extremely mild punishment. Such as a forbidding whack on the hands, etc.Posted 06-18-2009 at 05:45 PM by SynergY -
so much to read i just stoped at sexual abusePosted 06-18-2009 at 06:29 PM by elvispacman - That's not very respectful.. :/
Especially since this was a pleasure to read..
And why even post here if you haven't read it and have no opinion? :/Posted 06-18-2009 at 07:24 PM by Hitsugaya` -
My friends mother emotionally and psychologically abuses her
But her moms too stupid to know that. I want her to stand up for herself... but she wontPosted 06-18-2009 at 07:30 PM by OrihimeIsMyClone -
when i think of abuse i usually think physical/sexual since thats the one the media eats up so much
emotional abuse... only time i can think of that is maybe a kid getting picked on at school
i rarely think of economic abuse :/
and vesta idk really how to respond to this since of somethings you told mePosted 06-18-2009 at 08:48 PM by spiritsamuri - ~ Its okay Spirit, thank you for reading it.
~ Elvis I was going to delete your comment but am choosing to leave it.
~ Orihime....that form of abuse its the most difficult to prove, and the most difficult to heal from. Your friend really needs someone to talk with, a professional. Its the only way she will get better.
~ Thank you for the comments. I wanted this to be an informative blog and something to help another. This is also something I am very serious about these topics.Posted 06-18-2009 at 09:01 PM by vesta -
"..when your in a healthy relationship, one of love and companionship, it can be the most wonderful thing. Having a true partner is when you have your best friend with you and its okay to do things on your own, when things are shared, when you can sit together and both be doing different things and its comfortable."
I definitely agree to that!
But why some people still choose to stay in an abusive relationship?
Based on numerous studies these people had also suffered abuse at some point in their lives esp. when they are still very young whether sexual, physical, economic, or emotional.
And as they grew up due to these "unresolved issues" they subconsciously tend to continue the cycle of being abused or worst becoming the "abuser" themselves.
This may sound so simple but learning to forgive oneself is the primary step to healing.., but at times this could be the most difficult thing.. Because "flawed thinking" and "defective behavior" might already have been deeply entrenched into one's character. But regardless of the condition or circumstances CHANGE is one ABILITY and POSSIBILITY each and everyone of us can choose to possess!
I wish I could share more but we have limited time and space here.. Ü
- zapped¿Posted 03-05-2010 at 07:09 PM by zapped¿
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