100 Things Link Would Never Do

okay, i was looking on deviantart a while back and i found some hilarious lists of things several naruto characters would never do. (here's itachi's! http://mrsrizamustang.deviantart.com...tachi-45345706) so... i thought i'd try to make my own one of these! and i'm a crazy obsessed zelda fan,and i've played 100000000 zelda games, so i thought i'd try link! okay... i came up with these myself, so it might be terrible... and they have references to several different games...but here goes....

100 THINGS LINK WOULD NEVER DO

1. Work for Santa at the North Pole
2. Tell Ganondorf his nails would look FABULOUS if he painted them pink instead of black.
3. Marry Zelda.
4. Marry Ganondorf.
5. Marry Tingle.
6. Run around in his tunic WITHOUT the tights.
7. Carve his name into the Great Deku Tree.
8. Turn into a wolf and try to get Midna to play fetch with him.
9. Grab Midna and Zelda and shout, "THREESOME!"
10. Eat.
11. Sleep.
12. Say anything that the audience can hear, ever.
13. Cry and say, "Why am I such a misfit?"
14. Freak out when he sees a spider.
15. Demand Zelda to pay him for saving her ass.
16. Join Ganondorf for money because Zelda never pays him, and his crappy treehouse is about to be foreclosed.
17. Stay home and watch One Piece instead of saving Hyrule.
18. Stay home and watch America's Next Top Model instead of saving Hyrule.
19. Kill his fairy with a flyswatter.
20. Kill his fairy with a flamethrower.
21. Catch his fairy in a bottle and shake it.
22. Catch his fairy in a bottle and sell her on e-bay.
23. Buy weapons off of e-bay instead of running around in those stupid temples for hours.
24. Star in a cheesy Christmas movie.
25. Join Rudolph and Yukon Cornelius and try to save Christmas.
26. Become a dentist after helping Rudolph and Yukon save Christmas.
27. Sing "Why Am I Such A Misfit?" at a karaoke party.
28. Sing "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo" at a karaoke party.
29. Get raped by Tingle.
30. Keep Tingle as a pet.
31. Keep the mail man as a pet.
32. Get drunk and hit on Zelda.
33. Get drunk and hit on Ganondorf.
34. Eat a BLT... made out of Moblin meat!
35. Eat a BLT made out of Moblin meat... in front of the Moblin King!
36. Have a moblin-steak cookout with moblins he killed himself.
37. Have a moblin-steak cookout with moblins he killed himself... and invite Ganondorf!
38. Point and laugh at the Gorons and Zoras when he found out that Ganondorf blocked their temple/made their butt-ugly whale sick.
39. Eat a doggie treat in wolf form.
40. Eat a doggie treat in human form.
41. Beg Midna for a doggie treat.
42. Become an emo.
43. Ask Ganondorf where he got his nails done.
44. Slip a date-rape drug into Zelda's drink.
45. "Accidentally" throw down a lit cigarette onto the Great Deku Tree.
46. Try to play the violin part of The Devil Went Down to Georgia on his ocarina.
47. Buy a Wii and play Twilight Princess.
48. Buy a Wii and play Twilight Princess...and die 100000 times.
49. Cry when he dies on Twilight Princess.
50. Join a Zelda game fanclub.
51. Jump on a trampoline in wolf form in an attempt to get Midna off his back.
52. Ditch his elf clothes for a leather jacket and shades.
53. Complain that his tights make his butt crack itch.
54. Become a Metallica fan.
55. Become a Hannah Montana fan.
56. Cut up an octorock and serve it as sushi.
57. Ask Zelda to let him borrow a pair of her tights.
58. Change his name to Robin Hood.
59. Star in a Robin Hood broadway show.
60. Burn down his tree house for the insurance money.
61. Challenge Ganondorf to a game of Connect Four to see who gets rule Hyrule, instead of having a violent fight.
62. Say, "That'll do, pig. That'll do." after defeating Ganondorf.
63. Say, "Hasta la vista, babeh!" after defeating Ganondorf.
64. Challenge Zelda to a match of Super Smash Bros. Brawl.... while they're being themselves on the game.
65. Cry after he loses, because Zelda is one of the cheapest characters on brawl.
66. Tell Zelda she cheated and that he's not going to be her friend anymore. And then throw his controller.
67. Watch corny old Zelda cartoons.
68. Get fuzzy ideas from the corny old Zelda cartoons and tell Zelda he'll only help her save Hyrule if she makes out with him for ten minutes.
69. Ditch his ocarina for an electric guitar.
70. Accidentally stab Midna in the eye with a fish hook while fishing.
71. Accidentally stab himself in the eye with a fish hook while fishing.
72. Make a Christian Rock band.
73. Take Tingle to a GAY BAR!
74. Try to hook up Tingle and Ganondorf, who is also probably gay.
75. Stare at Zelda's chest and tell her she's hot.
76. Stare at Midna's chest and tell her she's hot.
77. Teach Zelda, Midna, and Ganondorf to fly by thinking of a wonderful thought.
78. Fight Captain Hook. To hell with Ganondorf!
79. Have to be rushed to the emergency room after being attacked by a flock of chickens.
80. Say "Ha-Ha!" like Robin Hood every time he swings his sword.
81. Have a Yo Mama fight with Ganondorf.
82. Kill the Abominable Snowman with his sword instead of fixing its toothache.
83. Die from getting caught in the blast of one of his bombs. (they can destroy huge boulders but not Link? WTF???)
84. Star in Robin Hood: Men in Tights.
85. Ditch his horse and get a motorcycle.
86. Ditch his horse and get a tricycle.
87. Ask Ganondorf, "Hey, if you ate bacon, would that make you a cannibal?"
88. Attempt to do wheelies on his horse in order to impress Zelda.
89. Get a Nintendo DSi and play Zelda games on that.
90. Not be able to figure out how to beat the bosses on the DSi Zelda games.
91. Try to trick Midna into standing beside a lit bomb to get rid of her.
92. Admire his reflection in the Mirror of Twilight.
93. Get fleas in wolf form.
94. Give Midna the fleas he got in wolf form.
95. Get heart-worms in wolf form.
96. Freak out when Midna has to drag him to the vet to get rid of the heart-worms.
97. Chase cats in wolf form.
98. Shout, "I'm a-firin' mah lasah!" every time he shoots and arrow.
99. Beat up Tingle and steal his map money.
100. Play Final Fantasy games, the only series better than Zelda! XD

The end. sorry you had to sit through that! :P