Jokes thread

[kristin551]

Originally Posted by Lestats

Subject: mathematical viewpoint!


So true...



This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...
it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far &#!@ kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the &#!@ and &#!@ kissing that will put you over the top .

That was TOTALLY epic!!

[dealer]

tottally agreed xDD

[vega]

Not my joke but it is very funny

Spoiler

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Another joke with the economy in it. if only all the companies did this there wouldn't be stress at work.

Spoiler

So I’m at work yesterday and the mailclerk starts handing out letters from upper management. At this point, I’m thinking “Oh crap, how am I gonna tell my family I got laid off?” Fortunately, I’m only 29 years old. You’ll understand when you read the letter.

Letter:

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get.

Great, as if I didn’t get enough shit already….

and the math joke was really funny now i know what the coach ment when he said "go out there and give me more then all you got"

[Kudoss]

i have a job at little ceasers , uhmmmmm i make your pizza

muhahhahahaha

[Erkahoth]

where did little anne go after the explosion???
answer:

Spoiler

everywhere!!!!!

[Kudoss]

where can you find horror , terror , bloodshed , sadness , and madness

YOUR FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Erkahoth]

why did anne kill her parents???

Spoiler

cause she wanted to go on the organised trip of the orphans school

why did she kill her uncles??

Spoiler

cause she wanted to take her cousin with her

why is little anne very sad?

Spoiler

cause the trip was cancelled...

what does little anne have that other kids don't??

Spoiler

cancer

[ultimentman2]

Why does little anne not have a life?

Spoiler

Because she is dead.

[Erkahoth]

i didn't know that the little anne jokes were also known in other countries rofl

[ultimentman2]

Originally Posted by Erkahoth

i didn't know that the little anne jokes were also known in other countries rofl

lol. That one was just a random crack off the one's you had been posting.